Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
