We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
