His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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