dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
