i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
