I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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