batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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