Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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