Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
