...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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