Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
