Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Randomize
