i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
