she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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