she looked like the before picture.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
