Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
