I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
