I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
