lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
