some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
