Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
