I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
