we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
