i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
