No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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