I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
