did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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