i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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