I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i dont even know how to be here
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
