You just made me feel so damn special
Having a random hookup so left but love u
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
