We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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