The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
