she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
