I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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