That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
