I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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