i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
