I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
