I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
