so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
