I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
