i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
