I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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