she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
