You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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