i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
