just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
