New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
