he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There r osticjed everywhere
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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