OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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