I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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