I think I am morally bankrupt
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
