The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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