I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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