At least make sure they are 18
Why
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
