There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
