His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
