I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
