He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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