I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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