Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
