My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
