I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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