Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
