I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
