it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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