Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
