What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
