My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
