after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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